Blood Donations

Today, I finally got round to donating blood for the 2nd time.  Being O Positive means that I am in the most common of blood types (with around 37% others being the same type) but this is a universal donor and can be given to around 83% of recipients so it's a really helpful type to be.  The first time I did it was back in March 2007 so it's taken a while!  I think it's a really good thing to do because there are so many people out there that require blood for different things and only 4% of people in the UK take the time to donate. That's only 4 out of every 100 people! If you break it down it's one person in every 25 and the way I see it my whole family is made up of around 25 people so if one of those gets sick I'd like to know that the resources were available.  But then, you can only give one pint each donation (3 times a year for women, or 4 times a year for men) so if someone needed a blood transfusion it's quite likely my one pint (or 3 in a year) wouldn't be able to cover it!  I first decided to donate blood when my mum got ill with cancer and every now and, from time to time, would require extra blood to help her body to fight harder, and I remember always feeling so grateful to those people that had taken the time to donate blood to help others.

Apart from helping the people who need the blood to get better, or even to survive illnesses, there are great benefits for the donor (and no, I don't mean the awesome keyring I got!).  In the way of health and life expectancy generally women live longer than men and this may be to do with the fact that they lose blood each month through menstruation.  So here are some of the benefits for a donor health - 

Weightloss: I can't exert myself and go for a run today, but I've done something way more calorie burning! Donating a pint of blood burns 650 calories on average! That's way more than the amount that would have been burnt by me going for a run!

Prevention of cancer and aging:  It reduces the iron build up in your blood which can help reduce your risks of getting cancer because iron in the blood increases the level of free-radical damage to your body, in turn increasing the risk of cancer and aging. 

Reduces risk of Type II Diabetes: Several studies have found that by reducing the iron stores by getting rid of excess iron and minerals the sensitivity to insulin is increased and therefore risk of type II diabetes is reduced.

Heart Problems: It can also help with heart problems because the body will replace the blood lost in 2 days.  But this is mostly just fluid, it can take up to 56 days for all of the red blood cells to regenerate up to their former numbers.  In turn, this makes the blood diluted and thinner therefore, applying less pressure to the heart and arteries.  

So, it's all good news! Only bad part of it was the fact that when I sat up I nearly passed out but the nurses were absolutely lovely and got me back to my former self by feeding me biscuits and giving me fluids :)  I really recommend it to anyone that is able to give blood!

Tuesday Weigh in (Week 2)

Today was weigh in day and I'm 222 lbs so a loss of 3lb since last Tuesday which I am quite happy about because it's going down.  The annoying thing is though, where I weighed myself everyday I know that at one point this week it was 221 so would have been a loss of 4lb and made my spreadsheet look better. I also didn't meet my goal of being 221 by today :/ I know that fluctuations occour though and I'm definitely stronger than I was last week so I am really quite happy.

I'm going to try and not weigh myself every morning this week, perhaps just every other morning because I don't want it to all be about the numbers.  It needs to be about how I'm feeling in myself and listening to my body if it needs a rest or if I can work harder and push myself.

Yesterday I think I did quite well in regards to the food side of things because we went to a summer fete and there were all sorts of tasty and delicious foods there that normally I would have not given a second thought about whether to buy them or not.  I really really wanted a burger and some fried small doughnuts, but I resisted and had some strawberries and blueberries instead.  However, being out and about all day yesterday did mean that I didn't get a chance to do any workout at all, but 1 day shouldn't matter too much.

I'm going to go for a run today, do some strength training with the resistance band and try and get my plank up to 20 secs for 3 reps.  I'd like to lose another 3lb by next Tuesday and be 219 (15stone, 9lb)

Have a good day all :)

Current weight: 15stone 12lb (222lb)      Current BMI:     38.09

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 2.lb (100lb)

Sunday - Run Day

Well, hello there!

So today has definitely gone tons better than yesterday did.  I tidied my room, hoovered and organised my DVDs.  I also worked my flippin ass off as I mentioned yesterday I would be trying to do.

My workout consisted of going out jogging + walking for 30 mins, and jogging to the park is now an achievable thing, knowing I managed it once there is no excuse for me to stop before I get there now. When I got in from jogging I did stretches in the garden, my brother came out and helpfully told me I looked like a beetroot! All I could think was, 'If you still look cute at the end of the workout, you didn't work hard enough!' :D

After the stretches in the garden I went to my newly cleaned room and got my resistance tubing out.  I received this about 3 days ago and for £2.99 it's definitely one of the nest workout things I've purchased in my life. Using this to increase the intensity I did 10x10 squats, 10x10 bicep curls, 5x10 lateral raises. I tried so hard I wanted to cry, particularly on the lateral raises because my arms were buuurning!! After working my legs and arms, I did 2x15sec planks to work the abdominal section.

All in all a good day to work out and I definitely feel so much better than I did in yesterdays post.  Today I could achieve anything!

The one stumbling block I have hit today though has been regarding my calories.  As you probably know I am trying to hit 1210 calories a day because I want to be healthy and strong, not just thin.  Today though, I have only hit 800 :/ I got up too late for breakfast, lunch consisted of cous cous + a fruit salad (blueberries, strawberries, raspberries) with some Vanilla bio yoghurt.  But, for dinner, my dad made Honey and Mustard chicken with Aunt Bessie roast potatoes and cauliflower.  I really dislike mustard and due to the sauce being over everything I had to reassemble my dinner.  So, I segregated the chicken, 2 potatoes and 3 florets of cauliflower and using kitchen towel removed as much of the sauce as I could, but I was still apprehensive of the mustard element so didn't even eat much of what I had.

I'm sure one day of eating too few calories won't really hurt but I just wanted to have a perfect day to lead the rest of my days by the example.

G'night all... 2 days to weigh in... hopefully Tuesday I will see if it's been worth it this week. Feel free to let me know how y'all are doing :) xx

Saturday-Fatterday

Today has been quite the failure in regards to losing weight.  I feel very disappointed in myself.  It rained all day today and so I used that as an excuse to literally just lay in bed all day watching TV and playing on the Xbox.  I think I've probably only walked around 100 steps at the most.  So now, I feel guilty, the day has passed by and I've wasted a day of weight loss, meaning I am a day further away from my goals. :(  I'm the only one to blame,  I need to stop making excuses for myself to be lazy and just man up to the challenge.

It's not that I'm no longer motivated because I am.  For example, my Dad knew I was feeling crappy so he bought me chicken kebab and cheesy chips for my dinner and also bought some cake.  So I ate the chicken kebab and salad, but left half the pitta, ate half the chips and somehow, resisted eating the cake.  (Although I gave the chocolatey goodness a good sniff!) This reaffirms that I am still on the right track because a couple of months ago I would have scoffed the lot and not given it a second thought.

It's just sooo difficult.  Day to day isn't too bad really apart from when I have failed myself, but I keep getting drawn into the thoughts of I have to lose over 7 stone before I'm in a healthy range for my height.  That's around 45% of me. It took me a year to put on 3 stone when my mum passed away and then another year to lose 1.5 stone of that.  I feel like the 'me' I expect to see in the mirror and never do is still so far away that it feels unachievable a lot of the time and it makes me want to just give into the obesity.  But, then again, that's how I got into this situation of turning 23 at 17 stone.  I can remember being 13 stone when I was 15/16 and feeling like it was such a long way to go to be healthy that I didn't think I could do it and so I just settled into obesity.

Being overweight and therefore, tired and lazy, is all I've ever known. In truth, I'm terrified of being healthy and slim because I know it will change me.  Also, being stressed about it being so long a road is a bit silly I think because it's not like once I get there I can stop exercising and eat all the foods I like again.  This has to be a lifestyle change and not just a temporary alteration.

I've also come up with a new way to check progress in relation to my body strength and that is to constantly try and maintain and eventually beat my Personal Best times at Planking and Wall sits.  I tried it yesterday and could only manage 13 seconds plank (after which I was sweatier than if I'd ran!) and managed to build up to a 45 second wall sit.  (Here is the lovely Bob Harper from Biggest Loser showing how to do a plank properly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_iG_DWLdN8 )

Well, tomorrow is a new day, Sunday - Runday? I need to work my ass off tomorrow to ensure I meet my weight loss goal of being 15 stone 11 on Tuesday weigh in. 3 days to lose a further 1.5lb is achievable as long as I actually move from the bed!

Heavier and feeling lazy

Not much to report today really. I weighed myself this morning and have gone up by 1lb since yesterday, but I ate a big dinner last night at around 9:30pm and food take between 12-24 hours to digest so I wasn't surprised in the slightest that I weighed in heavier.

I have debilitating stomach cramps that have made me stay still on the bed most of the day almost crying.  Not feeling too strong with the weight loss/ exercise plan today although, I have still eaten healthily today, which is a big achievement.  All I want to do is stuff my face with Pringles and chocolate to make myself feel better.

I know that exercise is supposed to help with period pains, but I'm actually in so much pain I can barely face moving, let alone running.  I did some bicep curls with my 1kg weights earlier so that at least I have done something no matter how small.  I have just taken another dose of painkillers and once they kick in I am going to try some gentle yoga and see how it goes from there.

Fingers crossed!

Current weight: 15stone 12.5lb (222.5lb)      Current BMI:     38.2

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 2.5lb (100.5lb)

A difficult night

I really thought I was going to fall off the diet wagon last night.  I woke up around 2am because I was dreaming about burgers and ice cream, and then couldn't sleep because I was SOOOO hungry.  I kept contemplating going down to the kitchen and getting myself a couple of bags of crisps and some chocolate along with a glass of milk.

Luckily though, I still have the lazy gene within me sometimes and the thought of getting up and walking all the way down the stairs stopped me from binging on junk food.

I'm so glad I didn't now, because hopping on the scales this morning and I'm 15, 11.5 meaning I have now lost over 20lb since I started.  4 more lbs and I'll have met my first target of losing 25lbs :) It is also the first time I've reached a point where I have less than 100lbs to go and opefully soon my weight in kg will be under 100! Id like to reach the 25lb loss before the weekend because I'm meeting up with the ex, but realistically I know thats probably an unachievable goal to get in 3/4 days.

I've had chocolate porridge (114cals) for breakfast today, which is also an achievement because I'm actually hungry enough for breakfast nowadays, which is helping to get my regualtion of meals back on track.  I was saying to my dad that I haven't eaten breakfast regularly for about 8 years so it's been a real struggle to get myself to do it.  Even if it isn't every morning yet, it's still a start and little steps towards a bigger goal.



Current weight: 15stone 11.5lb (221.5lb/100.5kg)      Current BMI:     38.0

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 1.5lb (99.5lb)

Woke up failing it, will go to bed nailing it!

Today has definitely been a funny sort of day.  The plan was to go for an 8:30am run, do an exercise DVD and some yoga and then do job hunting.  Didn't quite work out like that.

I woke up at 8:30 with awful stomach cramps, had a cry for about an hour because I'm really struggling with not being with my bf anymore (its funny because it's the simple thing of sitting together on the sofa watching 'our' programmes together that I cry about).  I cried myself back to sleep and slept through until midday.  So, not a brilliant start to the day, not even a standard start to the day, in all honesty, probably the worst start to the day I could have had.  

Usually, in the above circumstance, I would then proceed to spend the day in bed and wallow in my sadness/illness/guilt at being so crap.  But, no, this is no longer the person I want to be or will allow myself to be!!

So, I got up and went down to the kitchen.  Truthfully, I think that was my first port of call because I admit I do turn to food when I feel rubbish, but today I'm not sure if it was all because of that, or if I knew I needed to have some lunch soon and I thought this was the best way to kick start what I had left of my day.  I'll settle for a bit of both for now!  

Luckily, I do still have some willpower left, and the cupboards still have things I've bought in for my lunches that aren't to complicated to put together.  I ended up with a New Convent Garden Potato and Leek Soup (1 carton = 216cals), a toasted tortilla wrap (107cals) and a banana (110 cals).  So a total of 433 cals, not too bad for a lunch. :) I then, watched The Biggest Loser along with my lunch which inspired me to continue my journey and pick myself up, brush myself down and keep going.  

After 2 episodes (and a power cut) I finally ended up getting my running stuff on and off I went.  When I've been running the past few times I haven't managed to get back to the park like I did when I went with my sister, but today I really pushed myself.  I remember getting to the point I usually stop at and thinking to myself, 'NO! Today you are not going to stop here, just get to the next tree' and then I set a mini goal of the next lamppost, next fence, next car, before I knew it I had made it to the park entrance and totally surprised myself. I then mixed it up between power walking and jogging setting myself targets that I didn't allow myself to fail at. I realised I have the ability to push myself past the limits my body thinks it is able to do.  Doing 2 days of yoga has taught me that breathing has a LOT to do with achieving goals and pushing limits because if you are doing long deep breaths rather than short shallow ones you can stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system.  This will relax your body reducing the muscle tension and therefore allowing you to push your body further.  On that note, I would like to point out that after 2 days of yoga I can comfortably bend over and touch the floor without bending my knees. 

Today I wore compression bandages around my shins to try and lessen pain issue with my running and it seems to have worked better than I expected. It still hurt a little when I completed the sprint but all in all beneficial. Also, my stomach cramps are now gone after the run, I think some endorphins have kicked their butt!

So today's tips are: 

1. Don't let external issues halt your weight loss, keep going.

2. If you feel ill, run for your life!

3. Take up yoga, it will help all your other exercises and you'll be flexible (Not sure when I will need to bend over and touch my toes in real life, but it's a new skill all the same!)

Also, little bonus, after yesterdays weight gain issues, I weighed myself when I got up and saw 15st 12.75lb I could have cried! I've rounded it up to 15.13 but either way it's still lovely to see a 15 on the scale, haven't been here since about 2010! Obviously, Tuesday's is still my official weigh-in but I still like to check each day, it motivates me to keep trying.

Current weight: 15stone 13lb (223lb/102.1kg)      Current BMI:     38.28

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 3lb (101lb)

Update on Previous Post: A funny thing happened.

So... my previous post of about 2 hours ago I was feeling pretty fuming at the lack of weight loss despite putting so much effort in during the past week, but now... I feel bloody ecstatic about that weight gain because do you know what this extra gain in weight meant?

I'm pregnant?? Nope, wrong! But I could be one day (need a new bf first!), but now, my periods have restarted after 2 years of not having one due to the excess weight.

I'd just finished my grapefruit and started getting bad stomach cramps and feeling light headed.  I thought perhaps I'd poisoned myself with grapefruit or I was allergic to it or something? But no, it's just my body finally heading in the right direction.  :)  When I started losing weight I thought it would be a long time before my periods returned, but really it's 9lbs and whatever I've truly lost this week that has kick started my body back into a level or normal.

Now to do some yoga to try and get rid of these darn stomach cramps!

Weigh-in Tuesday (week 1)

Morning all!

I decided Tuesday would be my weigh-in and measurement day each week, and I even made a spreadsheet to keep track of the different bits and pieces.

First weigh in and it's thrown me into a state of despair.  I have eaten healthier than usual all week and exercised every day.  I even tried yoga yesterday! (Its good, you should try it!) But, I've put 1lb ON! How does that even happen? It's so annoying, everyone keeps saying it's just new muscle weight and my body adjusting to the new exercise regime, bet this doesn't happen to the people on the Biggest Loser!

However, on a positive note, this is a point where I would usually give up, first hurdle and all that.  This time, I really do believe I can do it, so I just need to be patient, try a bit harder, run a bit further, yoga myself into new contorted positions.  I do feel a bit better in myself anyway though, my clothes don't feel as tight.  I think I should have done measurements last week when I started it all so at least if they have changed I wouldn't feel as crappy about the 1lb gain because I'd know my body was actually a bit more sexy. 

Hopefully, next week the weigh in will be better and I'll have lost 2 weeks worth of weight to make up for this weeks gain.  For now though I'm off to eat a grapefruit and a multivitamin. 

Current weight: 16 stone 1lb (225lb/102.1kg)      Current BMI:     38.62

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 5lb (103lb)

And I'm Back!

Hello there!

Sorry for the lack of posts, seems I didn't do too great at my initial attempts at weight loss.  Mainly, I think, because I ended up with painful shin splints (due to previous drunken injuries) after the first few sessions of trying to do couch to 5k which in turn lead me to just be lazy.

But I'm back now.  A lot of things have changed since January.  I have quit my job, relocated 260 miles,  moved in with my dad and split up with my boyfriend.  The plan was to give myself time to think about what I really want from life and rediscover the person I liked being, because in all honesty, I wasn't loving the lazy, boring, dependent girl I had allowed myself to become.

It isn't quite going to plan: Move home, realise what I want to be doing, move to London for the job of my dreams, lose loads of weight and get out of the 'very obese' category, meet the love of my life, settle down, be married, have kids, work for myself.  BE HAPPY ...

It's more like: Move home, work out the job of my dreams, apply for endless amounts of positions as an intern at a talent agency/ agent assistant, be too depressed to move from my room most days.  NOT GOOD. :/

I have accomplished some things in the 3 months between moving home and now.  On June 16th I completed my first 5K Race for Life, although I did walk over half I was proud of myself for the amount I did manage to push myself to run, and with some encouragement from my older sister for the final km (she had finished and jogged with me when I was really struggling to finish) I actually managed to sprint the final section to the finish line.  However,  I greatly underestimated the distance left to go when I decided to start the sprint section of my journey, and by the time I was around 20m from the finish I thought I was either going to be sick or pass out.  I remember thinking to myself though, I can't stop this close to the finish, I'll be sick or pass out on it but I won't be stopping to give in to the screaming pain in my legs and lungs.  I wasn't sick, I didn't pass out and I finished in 44mins, along with people that had walked the whole way with their children.  But, now I have a time to beat for next year and feel pride in the fact that I didn't give up as soon as I found it a bit harder.  I think watching so many episodes of the Biggest Loser has taught me 'if you start something, you have to finish it no matter how long it may take.'

Also, despite my room based depression, I have managed to lose 9lb without really trying, simply by letting my Dad (who is getting on a bit and tends to eat small portions) serve up my dinners.  No more cooking a big dinner with the boyfriend, eating the whole thing which could probably have fed a family of four, and later eating a whole pack of biscuits or pringles has really helped. I didn't realise how much influence these smaller portions had been influencing my everyday eating decisions until about a week ago when my brother asked me for a lift to the kebab shop.

Normally, I would have seen a trip to the kebab shop as my opportunity for chicken kebab and cheesy chips.  It didn't matter if I had already had dinner or not, I have a real weakness for takeaway food!!  But I realised, I wasn;t hungry, I'd had my dinner 2 hour before and I actually wasn't fussed by the thought of the extra food, if anything, it made me feel a bit sick to think of trying to eat that whole meal. I had come to a realisation that I actually felt much better when I wasn't so full of food that all I wanted to do was sleep. So I skipped it and just waited in the car for him to purchase his meal.

3 days later, August 10th, my sister came to visit.  She suggested I come with her for a short morning jog.  Now, she's one of those people who runs often, is pretty slim and can run pretty far without stopping, but, she gets me and as long as I am trying my best she is happy enough with that, but she knows when, and how to push me to test my endurance.  So, off we went, and considering I hadn't been for a proper jog since June 16th (apart from a blip on July 1st when I was so upset I needed to run or punch something) I actually did pretty well.  I ran further than I ever thought I would be able to. From my Dads house I used to only be able to get round the corner before I would have to stop, but on this particular occasion I jogged non-stop round the corner, past the vets and to the park, a total of 0.3miles, but its about 0.25miles further than I'd ever managed before! Another small achievement in the midst of this destructive hopelessness that had become my life since giving everything up and getting nowhere.

But, those two events, sparked something in me.  The fire is lit now and I feel like there is no stopping me this time.  I have never felt like this before about my weight loss, it was always a conscious decision before to lose weight based upon worrying what people might think of me, or a comment someone had said, or feeling like I had to lose weight for a wedding etc... It had never before come from the belief that I really CAN do this, from the realisation that by already losing 9lb I had begun the journey very slowly months ago, and that 9lb had already made my journey easier.  Imagine how much easier my fitness regime will be after the next 9lb is gone.  For the first time in my life I actually believe I will do this and I will do it well.  Which is strange because it's been quite a while since a negative comment about my weight has been made, and my depression made me feel like I'd always be this way.  They do say that with weight loss there will be a time that is right for you to finally do it, and for me, it is now!

So, like all good intentions, they get ruined by external forces, and I was ill from Sunday to Thursday of my first week, meaning I literally stayed in bed all day watching TV. Not good, but by Thursday I was sick of not doing anything, I actually felt guilty for not being able to do any exercise, I had let myself down which wasn't nice.  In truth, I think it was the first time I truly felt I had let myself down.  Even when I got an E in my Maths A-level, as rubbish as that sounds, I had tried my best so I hadn't dissapointed myself.  So, on Thursday I dragged my ass out of bed and I went jogging, and I felt iller for it when I got back, but it was the first step in overcoming being sad and lazy.  Then Friday, I felt a bit better so I went again and jogged that bit further.  Then the shin splints returned.  This was the downfall issue of my last halfhearted attempt.  It's not stopping me this time though!! Saturday I was going to rest my legs, but I felt guilty for not doing something and I actually felt like I needed to do some exercise for my own mental health, so I took my dog and we went for a power walk.  It needed to be longer than the run to burn as many calories, but it's not so much stress on my shins from impacting the ground.  So, today (Sunday 18th) we went again for slightly longer than yesterday.

So, here I am, having done 4 days exercise in a row and feeling so much better in myself for it.  I already feel like I can actually accomplish this and anything else I set my mind to.  I never in a million years thought that a bit of exercise would have this effect on me!

I hope you're all caught up now, after this veeery long post! I hope to update you as often as I can.  If I don't update for weeks/months on end, feel free to assume I have been distracted my cake again and am allowing myself to give up yet again.  I really do hope that this is the time I manage to overcome my ridiculous obsession with food and can finally reach the end goal of being a healthy, sexy & sassy British female. It's going to be a long journey, after all I have nearly 50% of my body weight to lose, but hopefully the journey will be worthwhile and the end will be immense!

Current weight: 16 stone 0lb (224lb/101.6kg)      Current BMI:     38.43

Goal Weight:     8 stone 10lb (122lb/55.3kg)        Left to lose:       7 stone 4lb (104lb)